The experience of shame is humiliating and includes feeling a sense of disgust and mortification about the self.Both men and women experience feelings of shame around sexual issues but for different reasons.Children who were abused, targets of corporal punishment at the hands of parents, or who were otherwise mistreated gain joy out of pornography by identifying themselves with the sadist in these photos and movies.
There are many noteworthy things to say about the responses we have gotten so far on this issue of pornography but three questions stand out in my mind at this moment: 1.
By far, the largest number of emails have come from angry and disappointed women. Men view pornography in secret and in isolation from their female partners. Rage: Clearly, many women are enraged by pornography and direct their wrath at their men.
Many of the women who have written in have expressed feeling betrayed when they discover their men have looked at pornography.
They have expressed the belief that they are not attractive enough, or desirable enough, or sexy enough.
It goes without saying that masturbation occurs in isolation, at least under these circumstances, and the wife or partner is not involved in this solo activity. Why do so many men view porn in private and keep it secret from their wives, even from those wives who are willing partners in jointly viewing pornography as a "turn on" preceding foreplay and intercourse? One of the reasons why men who are married, engaged to be married, or have a girl friend with whom they are sexually active, engage in the viewing of pornography in secret has to do with an emotion we recently visited called shame.
Let us see if we can figure out some answers instead of engaging in condemnation. As has been stated in other weblog entries on this site, shame has to do with deep feelings of self-disapproval.Some groups of boys even engage in ejaculation contests to test whose ejaculatory jet is the strongest and can reach the furthest.Some even engage in urinary contests to see whose urinary stream can reach the furthest.Would it not be better to try and understand what is happening here between males and females and, through that understanding, develop better ways to cope with this problem?Part of the reason why women are so angry about internet pornography is that it takes their men away from the family and from themselves.For men, shame issues are directly related to sexual performance, and definitions of masculinity. There is just no pretending; He either ejaculates or he does not.