Then one day, you’ll reactivate your profile or meet someone cool at a party and the whole damn thing will start again.
To quote myself to myself (how meta), my main point was that I should be patient and do nothing: “In waiting, you’ve grown impatient at times and have tried to force things that weren’t meant to be, fought too hard for something that you knew was wrong, held on too tight to something that was already dead and gone, or pushed people away out of fear. Accept that it’s a mystery and sit down, shut up, enjoy your freaking life, and patiently wait your turn.”, because, like I said, I had lost faith, even in the truth of my own words. Exactly what I told myself to do — be patient and wait my turn — was precisely what led to me running smack into the love relationship I was waiting for. I ran into him on the subway one day and the rest was a wonderful mystery.
I look at him sometimes and say, “Why were we both on the same subway car that day? Even though I’m in love, I don’t have single amnesia in the least. I can’t remember who said it now, but a Buddhist philosopher talked about cultivating a lifelong, unconditional friendship with yourself. Sometimes, during my long ass single stretch, I would get jealous watching my friends get snapped up left and right.
To cope with all the hopelessness, bitterness, loneliness, panic, frustration and feelings of failure I was experiencing, I wrote an open letter to my single self.
Although I didn’t believe it at the time, I gave myself the most awesome advice. Love is a mystery that you can’t harness or control or elicit or will.
And everyone knows the real freaks congregate in NYC, meaning terrible one-on-ones are amplified in the most gruesome way, and often broadcasted across Facebook for all the world to recount. You had us laughing, crying, laughing again, and then almost vomiting. OMG, look behind you, I've been trying to figure out these people since I got here.' Me: 'Hmm, interesting group. In my mind, I was stoked for drinks with a hot, bearded, blue-eyed hipster from Long Island City, not someone with delusions about being a reincarnated American Civil War Yankee officer.
But because we love sharing our deepest innermost feelings and desires with YOU, we've asked you, our Big Apple readers, to submit your worst (albeit best! To make sure you're not sweating the prospect of being single forever, we've narrowed down our favorites (or least favorites, depending on how you look at it) to eight tales so truly horrific, you'll be ready to swear off men forever (plus accompanying artwork from The Blake Wright). 'Me: 'I normally drink Champagne, but I heard the Mojitos are great here, so I will go with that.' Him:'I'm on my fourth cup of coffee.'Me: 'Oh, rough night last night? Yes, that’s right, he showed up in full Civil War garb complete with a pipe and a gruff, antiquated speech pattern. ' I didn’t really hear from him after that, except for a text telling me that he lost his i Pod on the field, to which I replied, 'bummer.'""I met him on Ok Cupid. He invited me to meet him for drinks and asked me for a bar suggestion.There were many low points in my eight years (more or less) as a single person.One in particular was in December of 2010, right around my 32nd birthday.Funny that I can’t even remember why it was a low point.Probably because I had created some kind of timeline where I imagined that I should have been in a relationship by that point.Then you’ll get sick of ME TIME, but there will be no prospects and you’ll find yourself in the most epic dry spell. Oh, and try to stop focusing on what you don’t have and enjoy what you do.